Step by Step, part 2
It’s Holy Week. Like continents colliding, it's the colossal clash of betrayal, suffering, and death against the powers of forgiveness, love, and life. Most fully in Jesus, but to different degrees and outcomes, we see it in the lives of the disciples, Judas, and other men and women close to Jesus. Today, I am led to the inner storm happening in Peter. I see Peter as a DOer. A man of action. He gets out of the boat and starts to walk on water. In this Holy Week, you can feel Peter’s passion. He truly loves his Lord … as far as he knows, to the end of himself. 'Why can’t I go with you? I am willing to die for you.' Of course, we know he ends up denying Jesus three infamous times. And therein lies my problem. Why wasn’t Peter’s love enough?
But actually, I don’t see his denial as a fault in his love for Jesus or with his personal courage for that matter. Peter himself never expresses any doubt about his love for Jesus; in fact he reaffirmed it when Jesus questioned him three times about it after the resurrection. Just sneaking into the courtyard of the high priest by himself took courage. Actually, I think more likely he was in that courtyard with a racing heart and mind, scheming. Making plans to DO something in his own power. Might there be a way to free the friend he loved from his captors? But when the rooster crowed and Jesus looked at him … all of the wild possibilities that he had conjured in his mind suddenly collapsed. And he ran. In this time of great struggle between evil and Holy good, if Peter’s love for Jesus was real, and he had courage, where did he go wrong? This is important to me as I feel all of us are in a very similar war these days.
“Yesterday, the drones bombed close to us. Some of the Burma Army drones can carry at least eight bombs. They buzz around overhead for hours, then suddenly eight huge explosions, one immediately after the next.”
Yesterday, the drones bombed close to us. Some of Burma Army drones can carry at least eight bombs. They buzz around overhead for hours, then suddenly eight huge explosions, one immediately after the next. Yesterday, they bombed many places around us but one strike was on a village about a mile away from our tent-and-tarp hospital. I only found out that bombs landed a mile away, later. At the time, we all thought it was a hundred yards away and it sent everyone scrambling for the trenches. But there is nothing of strategic importance in that village. Most of its people had already fled. So, despite the destruction, only one 13-year-old Karen boy was injured. He came in riding on the back of a motorcycle, wincing as he dismounted. He calmly looked around, unsure of where to go, and I beckoned him to the 'Immediate' section of our triage area. I saw the bloody puncture wound in his arm, but it wasn’t actively bleeding. Nor was the laceration on his cheek. I quickly examined the rest of his body to make sure there weren’t any other silent but more serious injuries somewhere else. Usually, when I do this, the patient is completely focused on their body part that looks bad, and it’s hard to get any useful information from them. This kid, however, was calmly tracking with me at every step. He wasn’t afraid. He was hurting but not screaming or crying. He was engaged and provided input when I asked. Tough as nails, this kid.
Like so many of these Karen people I meet in hard straits, my heart truly bonded with this kid in genuine love and respect. I am thinking also of all of our staff and all of our students at KMC. Last year at KMC, the Karen leaders urged us to move away from our main hospital campus. Their inside sources told them it was likely we were a high-value target and would be bombed. The Burma Army has repeatedly and specifically attacked hospitals and clinics all over Burma. It took us a few weeks to prepare a new place. In the meantime, before I went to bed, I would go down to the hospital to see which students would be working that night. I wanted to look each one of them in the eyes. If things started blowing up around us in the middle of the night, in the confusion, I hoped that memory would lead me to do the right thing. Like Peter, I felt I would lay my life down for these loved ones. So it’s important for me to know where Peter went wrong. Is love enough?
After the last supper, Peter went to the garden of Gethsemane with Jesus. I don’t know of any prophecies that Peter was to deny his friend. Perhaps that denial wasn’t one of those fixed points on God’s timeline. Maybe it didn’t have to be or at least Peter didn’t have to be the one to do it. Just before Judas arrived with his mob of thugs, Peter goes with Jesus, James, and John to pray. Well … at least Jesus asks all of them to stay and keep watch with him. Jesus knowing what’s coming, goes on a bit further in great anguish of spirit. On returning, he found the disciples sleeping. Jesus says,
“'Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?' he asked Peter. 'Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.'“
Jesus goes away again to pray and returns only to find them sleeping again. Could this have been a point where Peter failed his genuine love for Jesus? He didn’t keep watch and pray? Instead of aligning his will to what God was arranging, he just fell asleep. And while he slept, the fate of Peter’s universe turned.
I think this illustrates one of the main ways a life of DOing can go wrong … taking matters into your own hands, relying on your strength, your own income, your skills, your goodness. Lately, one of my favorite verses in the Bible comes from Galatians 3:11 in the Message version.
'The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.'
That’s what Peter got wrong. Perhaps love is enough to save us ultimately. But it seems as if it’s not enough to keep us on the right path. We may mean well, but if it’s not from God, we’re going to end up off track, denying we know our Beloved. We have to DO in God’s timing, and his power and according to his plan … not our own. Granted this takes faith. But when we love this way, I believe we are in a place where miracles happen. Even if it is in the middle of a colossal clash of evil and Holy good. When we embrace what God arranges for us, the embrace turns into a dazzling dance with our Maker … we dance the dance we were made for. And then, God increases our love and joy beyond all bonds … ultimately … even beyond the bond of death.
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